Meh
You're going to get nowhere if you do the same basic thing that Alvin has already done. You have to do something unique, make this somehow different and not seem like another SMBZ clone.
Improvements that NEED to be made:
Higher frame rate - Everything was moving far too slow. Action scenes need to be fast paced, and it this rate it looked like someone turned on permanent bullet time.
Skipable dialogue - Not everyone reads at a super slow pace, I myself read quite fast and sat there waiting for the next box to appear every time one showed up.
Less dialogue - Blah blah blah, how boring. Good for the plot, but not the least bit entertaining. Try to keep it to a minimum with key points.